On Being Called (written by Carlos)

In the spring of 2019, I studied abroad in South Africa. I spent most of my time there surrounding myself with bad company and lusting after women. In the fall of 2018—the preceding semester—I had just ended a sexual relationship I should never have started. And in the year before that, I was probably as close to the Father as I had ever been.  Simply put, I was backsliding, and I hit rock bottom in South Africa.  I reached a point in my life where I basically had everything I thought I wanted, and yet, I found myself unsatisfied.  And I finally understood that neither sex nor any of its variants could bring me true satisfaction.


At that time, I did not know that the scriptures actually talk about this at length. Proverbs 27:20 states that “Hell and destruction are never full. So the eyes of man are never satisfied.”  The book of Ecclesiastes reiterates this and says, “the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing” (Ecclesiastes 1:8). Ezekiel 16:29 laments “Thou hast moreover multiplied thy fornications in the land of Canaan unto Chaldea; and yet thou wast not satisfied herewith.”  And what’s deep about these scriptures is this “unsatisfaction” that they talk about is the same unsatisfaction that’s used to describe the enemy.


Speaking of the enemy, the Psalmist David declares “And at evening let them return; and let them make a noise like a dog, and go round about the city. Let them wander up and down for meat, and grudge if they be not satisfied” (Psalm 59:14-15). The Father showed me this, and I was disgusted with myself. I had adopted the same disposition as the enemy, deliberately sinned against the Father, and now I was feeling the same feeling that the enemy felt—unsatisfied.  It is for this reason that the Father proclaims in the book of Jeremiah “my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:13).


That said, we should praise the Father for his mercy and what He says in the 58th chapter of the book of Isaiah. For He is the one that satisfies me, and that is how I was called by Him. He showed me first-hand that He—through Yahusha Hamashiach—is the way. There is no other.

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